I’m going out tonight.  Not to a formal event but I will do my best to look presentable in my ..blue low rise jeans, white sneaks and grey/dark grey performance fleece oh and my Happy New Year crown…blue and silver of course.  lol  Yeah whatever, I don’t feel like the high heels and short skirt tonight.  While I would be comfortable either way..I just feel like jeans today.


I have been asked to bring a wine, a brandy and a food.  So I’m bringing some chardonnay, E&J brandy  and Chips (for drinkers you know that as erk and jerk because of its wonderful ability to produce vomit from just the smell of if unless you have a strong constitution about ya.)  Its usually best to mix brandy with something..like pepsi or coke to cut it a bit and not to drink alot of it.  But why am I giving tips on how to drink what?   I guess better safe than sorry…


So looky, here are a few tips on how to drink RESPONSIBLY.


EAT an hour before you drink and make sure its a good meal…drinkin on an empty stomach will get you messed up really fast and you’ll find yourself with an unsetteled stomach equally as fast.


Don’t mix drinks..by that I mean, don’t drink beer and then go and get a mixed drink or some hard alcohol….it gonna mean trouble for you later, trust me.  Stick with beer, or whatever drink you started with at the end of the night.


Long  Island Ice Teas……are the devil!!!  When this drink is prepared correctly, there will rarely be a 3rd round of it.  Not many people make it to a 3rd glass.  Its that strong.  Just so you know, there is no tea like products in it at all…rather a bunch of hard liquors mixed together and flavored with either a wedge of lemon or a spritz of sprite to give it the lemony tea taste.


White or clear alcohol….Do not over do it.  People will tell you Vodka has no smell or taste, BULLSH**!   It smells like rubbing alcohol and it burns on the way down. It WILL do strange things to you the first time you drink it.  The same with Gin.  Gin looks like water but feels like fire thats why alot of people cut it with juice or soda (clear soda).


NEVER, I don’t care who said it was a good idea…NEVER chase an alcoholic beverage with water.  It does nothing but speed up the process.  You are better off just drinking your drink or not drinkin at all than chasing it with water…to chase btw means to drink water right after.


 If you pick up a drink and find that you don’t like the taste of it, don’t force it upon your body.  Leave the drink alone, walk away from it..find something else or find a nice non-alcoholic drink.  So what if other people are drinking, never be suckered in by peer pressure.  You know your body better than they do. 


 Basics..


Don’t drink if you are pregnantor on meds.  Common sense.


Don’t drink if you know you can’t handle it.


and definately DON’T DO ANYTHING STUPID LIKE DRIVING WHILE DRUNK. As a matter of fact, if you know that you will be drinking, you shouldn’t even think about driving anywhere.. carpool. Find a responsible person that won’t drink and ask that person to drive.


Use the Common Sense that was instilled in you people.  And if you don’t have any, ask somebody to give you some.  lol


Anyway, thats about it for me.  I’m gonna get outta here.


Happy New Year !!



 

New music….seal…kiss from a rose


Kiss from a Rose


There used to be a graying time all alone on the sea
You became the light on the dark side of me
Love remain a drug gets me high, that’s how I feel

Did you know that when it snows my eyes become enlarged
And the light that you shine can be seen
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
The more I get of you, stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey

There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, babe?

But did you know that when it snows, my eyes become enlarged
And the light that you shine can be seen
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
The more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey

I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grey, I’ve been kissed by a rose
I’ve been kissed by a rise on the grey (If I should fall…)

There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, babe

But did you know, that when it snows, my eyes become enlarged
And the light that you shine can be seen
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
The more I get of you, the stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey


~~~~


What a day.


I took my baby to the doctor and now my daughter has the flu and 2 infected ears.  She’s miserable but I’ve been making her feel better. 


And you won’t believe this weather, just last week it was in the negatives ..do you know the high today was nearly 70 DEGREES?!  Its crazy.  We’ll all have pneumonia if this keeps up.


So whats been goin on…


The gift is still wrapped.


We talked for a little bit last night, this afternoon and this morning.  He came to me the other day and we had this talk, in it he asked me to be this woman….this idea of a woman, basically he wants Superwoman.  He wants me to fit this image of the woman he has in mind and he can’t see us being happy until that change is made.  He can’t see there being a future if I can’t mold myself into that image.  That’s what he said.


This is what I heard:


I’m not happy. I’m scared.  The year ahead of us is uncertain and that bothers me.  I don’t know what to do to get rid of that feeling other than to have you become something you don’t want to become.  I don’t know how to fix it.


I repeated what I interpretted and he was quiet for awhile.  I asked what he really wanted and he doesn’t know.  I don’t feel too bad about it though, I actually feel a little relief because every time that I’ve tried to envision us as a couple 2 or 3 years down the road, I couldn’t and I can’t.  It doesn’t mean that I love him any less. I think it just means we are both questioning what is ahead of us.  Again, thats not a bad thing.  Its only becoming a problem because we are thinking the worst rather than the best.


An example of thinking the worst….the gift that still sits wrapped.  I said in an earlier post, “love doesn’t come in a package that big”.  Maybe its just the guys that I’ve dealt with…but it seems like, when relationships, particularly ones I am involved in, come to a close that the guy seems to want to make me feel better by buying me something. 


Now I could totally be blowing this all out of proportion, it is a christmas gift after all but given the way it was given to me.  Cold, uncaring, with little to no interest….. I don’t know what to think and I have to question that. I also have to try not to jump to conclusions.


This thing with change seems to be an ongoing theme too.  I spoke with a friend the other night about change.  I asked him if I had changed any and he said not much divorces do change you and he picked up on that, I guess.  I spotted a few changes in him which I think are great but thats just my personal opinion which I seem to be giving alot of lately.


Anyway..as the conversation progressed it got a little weird mainly because I made it that way.   I asked him to do something for me, which he did only after I gave up on the nonsense of having him agree to something before knowing what it was. And it was nothing bad and I guess I shouldn’t made it such a big deal but I kinda had to, to get what I needed from it. So its serving its purpose.


I can’t and won’t go into detail about it but I will answer a question I was asked.


“Why me?”  …..Because if it were anyone else it wouldn’t matter.


I think that will be all for me for now.  If more happens or if I should happen to get curious enough to open the gift, I’ll be back.


Later

New music.  Suga Suga (Azucar)..


Suga suga how you get so fly?


 


Anyway…I was actually listening to this song on the radio.  I like it…for obvious reasons. lol


So…a little update here.   Talked to Bryce earlier and it turns out that I am infact the cause of confusion, silence and strange behavior but not for the reasons I was thinking.


Old topic revisited…..the horse has decayed and yet, we still feel the need to piss on its grave. 


I will explain this, but not now.  I have been asked to play some Ms. Pac-Man so I am gonna go play and then I am gonna have some dinner…then make a phone call and THEN I will return.


Later


 


 

I have finally stopped coughing long enough to make a post.  Thats right, I have contracted the flu and was out of commission on Christmas.  And who gave me the lovely virus of Influenza for this lovely holiday?


Pokey!!


For those that don’t know, Pokey is my favorite (and only) niece.  She decided that instead of gifts this year she would get aunt suga and nana (my mom) sick.  Only my mom had a mild case.  Me on the other hand…coughing, cold chills,coughing, fevers, coughing, dizzyness…..hallucinations from the Tussive with Codeine!! 


Man….I probably shouldn’t be saying this outloud or out in the open but uhhh that stuff is GREAT!!!   Man, people.   ………     First before anyone gets the wrong idea, I’m not a crackhead or anything. And I don’t abuse my medications…not that I’m saying that there’s anything wrong with being a crackhead ….to each his own, but I will sleep with my shoes on thank you very much.  (inside joke…you gotta know a real crackhead to get it).


Ok let me tell you why Tussive with Codeine is great.  I took this medicine the first day, which was friday night and maybe a whole 20 minutes after I took it I felt sooo good. Pain in my chest was gone, fever going and the cold chills stopped.  Still sick as hell but everything was like….I don’t know, sped up?   It was strange…I got hyper and then after about 30 min…things slowed down to a dreamlike state and I started seein shit that wasn’t there.  Man, I swear I was talkin to somebody sittin on my couch, but I was the only one on the couch and my sister was on the loveseat.


She said she asked me who I was talking to and I gave a name and everything.  I even described the man sitting next to me on the couch.  This is what my sister said.  Now of course I have no recollection of this crap ever happening and I would have just blown it off as her f***ing with me because I was messed up from the medicine but my son said the same thing and was serious.


So I was sitting there saying to myself …o…..k.   Apparently, after me telling my sister about my friend there, I fell asleep. 


All I can remember is….I took the medicine, talked to my sister about my niece, watched the marathon of A Christmas Story…the last thing I remember seeing of the movie the 3rd time I watched, it was at the Triple Dog Dare.   


I even remember the dream I had..but it didn’t involve me sitting on my couch talking to some guy. 


In the dream I had, I was walking through some tall grass barefoot ..just walking and I was happy.  And the sun was shining, there was nice breeze blowing and I just walked through what seemed to be a meadow.  And I heard my name being called  so when I turned back to see who it was..everything behind me was crystalized and it was late evening.  while everything infront of me was bright and sunny and warm.  I didn’t see who was calling me but I just kept hearing my name being called….it was soft …almost like the wind was speaking it.  And I wasn’t scared of what I saw behind me nor of my name being called by someone unknown, just curious as to who was calling me.  At one point it even sounded as if the wind were singing my name.  My first name and thats a first because in all the dreams I’ve had where my name was mentioned it was always Chelle. 


If I could draw exactly what I saw …it would make for an interesting piece of art. When I reached this cliff where the meadow ended and I looked down and there was just mist and clouds. When I turned back to look behind me, it looked like midnight and  everything looked iced over…everything.  The blades of grass, the flowers, a few animals, butterflies hung crystalized in mid air.  Whoever it was saying my name stopped and I looked forward then down…and I leapt.   I leapt off the cliff and I fell…wasn’t scared at all, as a matter of fact I welcomed it.  It felt good to fall.  That feeling in the pit of my stomach was really intense and I didn’t feel sick or anything.  I fell through all of this mist and clouds then I saw the ground rushing towards me and on the ground someone was standing ….person looked like a speck but it was definitely a person.  Then I heard my name being called again softly and closer to my ear.  I turned around so that as I was falling on my back and I seemed to slow down.  I looked up and the sky was an evening sky and full of stars and everything on the side of the cliff that I leapt from was iced over…the little branches that jutted from the dirt wall, a birds nest sitting on a rock on the side of the canyon wall even the little bugs were frozen and iced. And on the other side the sky went gradient as the night sky seemed to eat the day.  I began to slow down the closer I got to the ground but I was still pretty far away and then I stopped.  I stopped in mid air.  I could see the person a little clearer but couldn’t make out who it was.  I just hung there in mid air until the person on the ground wanted me to come down. And when they did I fell again…..alot faster than before.  It wasn’t until I could see the top of the person’s head that I got scared and panicked.


I woke before I landed.  I was laying on the couch sweating with cold chills.  My sister asked me if I was ok and I said yeah and went back to sleep.


Thats it.  It was a cool dream.  It wasn’t a nightmare at all.  Not by my standards anyway and I’ve dreams very similar to that one only this one was calmer??  I don’t know..it was the best sleep I’ve had in a week. Thanks Tussive!! 


Anyway, back to Christmas…kids enjoyed themselves.  Santa didn’t make it to bed until 4 am and the kids were up at 6:30 …so Mommie was running on fumes of energy.  We all played with toys until about 8:00 then we all passed out on the floor. Woke up at 11am..went to my inlaws for  breakfast and gift exchange..then back home.  My mom grabbed my kids at 2:30 and took them to my aunts house for dinner while I did my best to fight off Pokey’s gift.


Yeah, I  was all alone on Christmas.  Where was Bryce?  With his family.  He did stop by to drop off the gifts he had for me and the kids, I gave him his.  He asked if I was ok being at home alone and I said yeah because he clearly didn’t want to stay.  (body language…he stood at the door with his hand on the door knob poised to run from my house)  I didn’t want to keep him somewhere he didn’t want to be so I told him I was ok.  And I layed on my couch hugging my pillow and drifted off to sleep.


Sleep was interrupted repeatedly by the telephone, which was ok, I’m glad people thought to call me…its just that being jolted awake by the piercing ring of a telephone isn’t the best feeling in the world. Ya know.


This was my first christmas  alone…Alone.  Just me.  I don’t want to do it again.  There has to be at least one more body in the house.  My animals were off enjoying their gifts in the basement. So not much company even with the other two kids in the house.


I looked at my gifts under the tree and the wrapped gift that Bryce gave me, which by the way is still wrapped and propped up against the wall in a huge box.  I haven’t opened it yet.  Don’t know why..I just haven’t.  I will before the year changes.


I really don’t like it when people spend alot of money on me for gifts and such.  I don’t think I’m worth it.  I really don’t. Keep your money to do something else with, don’t waste it on me. So thats one of the reasons I don’t want to open it, the main reason really.  Other reasons include…what if its a gag gift (which he is famous for doing), we haven’t been speaking as much (mostly he hasn’t been speaking to me) and there could be something mean in that box, love doesn’t require packaging that big so I’m a little nervous. 


….*sigh


My throat hurts and yes my voice has left me once more.  …. Why do I even have a voice?  Its never used, hasn’t been in a really long time.  I don’t sing anymore, I talk but as it would appear I have nothing worth listening to, my voice constantly plots ways of escaping me..it just so happens that Pokey was the accomplice this time.  So why speak?  Why form words and lend my voice to verbalize these things? 


I could talk just as well with a series of looks and hand gestures….or even if I concentrated hard enough, telepathy (I’d probably get an aneurism first).  What is the purpose of my voice?  So far the only ones that like hearing it are my kids, the kids that I read to, a few friends (male and female) and my dog.  My cat doesn’t care too much….as long as I’m not in her way or making her life miserable by denying her of anything she just goes about her business.  I’m probably just the servant lady that provides her with food when she wants it and entertainment when the mood suits her.  Bah!  The little spoiled brat.


I don’t think its meant for me to sing again.  Not like I used to anyway. Maybe I’ll take up whistling. Finger snapping… or I’ll just dance more. Dance IS the language of the body.


Dancing. A very sensual and seductive act in itself. Its always best with a partner but not just any partner.


Dancing leads to hugging…….hugging leads to kissing…..kissing leads to promises and promises lead to the fork in the road….happiness or hurt.


And that my friends…… is why you should take great care in choosing a dance partner.


Those are three things that can tell you alot about a person without them having to say a word.


Dancing….Can they dance and if not, are they willing to learn? If the can, will they be able to keep up and can they teach you something?


Hugging…..Is it comfortable to you? Where are their hands when they hug you? Are they comfortable embracing you?  Is the hug accompanied with a kiss?


Kissing…..Is it their first real kiss and if so are they scared?  Can you comfort them? Do they like kissing? Is it a sincere kiss?  Are their eyes open or closed, if closed why? Where are their hands when they kiss you?  How do you feel about the way you are being kissed….too submissive or too aggressive?


Don’t mind me.  Some stuff just got me to thinking.  Which is never a good thing I suppose.(me thinking.) 


Anyway.  There’s a bottle of water with my name on it.


Later


 


 

So I made a private post last night to try to sort out some stuff and it actually helped.  I feel good, no regrets, no worries.  I’m ok with everything and the decision that was made.


I’ll restate a few things from the private post.


I made peace with the wind a few days ago.  It hasn’t tried to carry me away, spank me or run my car off the road since our little talk so everything seems to be ok.


I made a promise in exchange for a favor.   I promised I would no longer curse the wind if it brought me snow …and well, it looks like it may make good on it.  I guess I’ll find out tomorrow night.  😛


But as I stated above, I’m ok with it all.  I guess I just needed to say what I have been thinking and feeling alot lately.  I accept it.  Besides, there’s not much I can do.  And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to…..because I want to so much, its not funny. It’s just that the timing is all wrong. 


Its wrong for everything, its wrong for the things I want and for the things I have, which is why I have been having so much trouble.  I’m forcing things to work when I shouldn’t be.  I’m not devoting as much time to a specific problem as I should be, instead..I’m putting it on the back burner and thats not working for me.  I’m just seeking a way to make everything livable and easier however I can.  Be it living vicariously through others or seeking some fun, excitement and something completely out of the ordinary to escape the mundane. I don’t know if many people understand what I’m saying or even that they want to.


I hate life sometimes, to be more specific I hate my life.  I hate that I’ve gone through as much as I have at such a young age.  I hate that I at one point felt that dysfunction was normal thing for families…..because its not and I know that.  I hate that at night I have trouble sleeping becasue I dwell on all things that I won’t be able to do or have in my future and when I look back at all the things that I could’ve had or the things I could’ve done it depresses me.  I’ll never have those opportunities again and every lost opportunity seems to be filled with a very harsh life lesson….that honestly, I’m tired of learning.


There are times that I feel stuck, unable to move forward because the past won’t let me and then there are times that I feel forced to move ahead when I am not ready to.  Either way its an uncomfortable thing to experience.


There are times I feel suffocated, I can’t breathe because everything around me seems to close in and those things seem to suck the air out of the room.  Leaving me gasping for air.


There are times I feel lost, its like I’m going through a constant state of transition and every time I think I have sure footing…something pulls the rug out from under me, so I have to get up Again and figure out where’s the most stable place for me to stand.


Alot of the time, I feel as though I am a burden to others.  I felt that even more when I was recupperating. Though Bryce would never admit to it, I know it put a great deal of stress and pressure on him.  And my mom…..her health seems to fade when something happens to me or my sister.  Her blood pressure was so high.  She took off work to make sure I was ok and so did he.  And you could see the stress in them both. 


Which is why it will not happen again.  Enough is enough and if I haven’t learned whatever it is that I am supposed to know then I’ll just resign myself to being stupid and live the best I can.


And with all that being said because someone wrote it somewhere and people believed it and so do I to an extent…these are the things that shape us into the individuals that we are and without them we would have no knowledge of the functioning and ever changing world around us.  But why that way?!  *sigh


The tone of this post may be a bit misleading, I am actually in a very good mood but I just needed to clear more things from the “space to rent” from my head.


I’m determined for things to get better, I just need clarity which I don’t think I’ll ever have.  As long as the process has been started I guess all will be well.  The post last night helped so, I’m not too far off from a permanent solution for everything else.


Anyway….I think this will do it for me.


later

Frikkin Power, Frikkin Wind, Frikkin Trojan Horses, Frikkin YAHOO!!!!


It can all go to Hades on a frikkin unstable Exon/Mobile oil tanker with a slow leak and a smoking idiot!!!!



 


Lemme explain my expletives…


Made it Lakewood Bed & Breakfast at 9am yesterday morning.  We left at 6:30, cuz thats when the Bryce wanted to leave. For 2 hours I listened to this ridiculous story of greed, sex and marital suicide.  All involving his friends earlier friday.


The reason for his severe tardiness friday was this:  He got a call while still at work from a friend who was VERY upset over something his wife had done and was doing.  He called Bryce because he wanted a bad situation to get worse.  Bryce answering the call of friendship..once again charges off to be with his friend in his time of need.  Now, I am in no way saying that I do not support him supporting his friends.  As a matter of fact I love him for that but to know you are getting yourself mixed up in some crazy….


So Bryce arrives at friends house.  Friend is sitting on the porch angry, crying and beside himself.  Bryce said he didn’t understand why he was outside instead of inside until he took a peak in through the window and saw his friend’s wife doing a guy that she works with.    Right there on the living room floor!


He said his friend didn’t go inside because he feared he would do something that would end him up in jail.  That was smart, that was very smart.  But now you got a guy that knows and has mastered martial arts and a guy that has a frighteningly expansive knowledge of guns who has never served in any part of the military.   Right!


So …Bryce comes up with an idea.  He told his friend to knock on the door before going in…give them time to stop and get themselves together.  Friend agreed and even removed himself from the porch to go stand by the car.  Bryce knocked on the door and he said he heard rustling around and then she looked out the window and saw Bryce standing there.


Ya know I have to say this first.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that cheating is ok…..but, why in the F*** would you bring the person that you are cheating with back to YOUR HOUSE?!?!  


As if that weren’t bad enough, guess who takes it upon themselves to answer the door…..   Yes the boyfriend.


Not only did he open the door as if he were the one paying its mortgage, but he had an attitude!  Bryce said he wasn’t expecting that one at all and was even thrown off just a little by it.  Meanwhile, friend is no longer leaning against the car, he is now in a full run toward the porch steps headed straight for the guy.  Bryce was knocked to the floor of the porch as his friend charged into his house. 


He said it seemed like the fight went on forever because everytime his friend would calm himself, his wife would say something stupid and he would just try to take out all of his frustration on the boyfriend.  Bryce wouldn’t let him hit him anymore, which then sparked a conflict between the two of them.  Yeah, the “you are supposed have my back, why are you stopping me”  thing.


Bryce was just focused on getting him out of there so that he wouldn’t get himself into more trouble that he needed, because he was pretty deep in….from what I hear, the poor SOB was laying on the floor and out. Police got involved and his friend was carted off for assault.  Bryce and his friend’s wife were questioned by the police, the boyfriend was ok…police woke him up and called an ambulance.  But you know whats even more messed up. 


That affair apparently had been going on for about 5 or 6 months, he’d been coming to their house regularly while he was at work and she even planned to leave her husband for him.   But when the EMT’s were helping him into the ambulance, Bryce said she showed no concern.  The guy wanted her to go with him and she told him no and that she had some things to rethink.


Did it stop there?  No.  Bryce went home (back to his house) and changes his clothes because he was still in his “business casual” gear.  He said he hadn’t been there even an hour when he got a knock on his door and it was his friend’s wife bringing all his stuff for him to keep at his house. And while she was dropping the stuff off, she was also started ranting at Bryce for interfering..telling him it was none of his business and she slapped him.


Could you picture my expression when I heard that?   Shock, horror, anger and pity.  She hit him and he took it but as soon as she did….he told her to get out and that he would just go and get the rest of his stuff.  And left it at that. I know he was mad.  I would have been.


So he spent another 2 or 3 hours getting his friend’s clothes, moving all the stuff that she brought over to his basement and setting up his guest room for his new room mate….and when he finally finished all of that, he finally made it to my house.


I was on the computer talking with CD, complaining about Bryce’s punctuality and then I heard the knock at the door.  It was Bryce.  He came right into the house, he dropped his overnight bag at the door.  Closed it locked and went straight to my bedroom.  I was a little upset….we were supposed to have left already and I didn’t know what had taken him so long.  He was laying across my bed and I asked what happened.  And he said he didn’t want to talk about it and that he would fill me in, in the morning.


So there I was in his truck….listening to what he had to say.  First I felt like crap because he I was about to fuss at him and add on to the crappy day he had.  Then I was mad because the girl hit him and then I was sort of surprised, I don’t think that I would have wanted to still take the trip after all of that, ya know.  But he still wanted to go.


Which..we really should have taken note from the crappiness of the previous day…and not gone.


The wind was wreaking havoc on everything …and I do mean everything.  There were times when we were driving that the truck seemed to be pushed to the side of the road.  We made it to Lakewood.  We were shown to our room and it was beautiful too.  The fireplace was lit in the room, the four post bed was dressed with a down comforter in gold and green.  There were gorgeous pieces of art hanging on the walls.  It was all very very…nice.


We decided to take a nap before we went off in search for lunch so we did.  It was a nice and intimate moment.  We woke up and he was in a better mood which I thought was great..so we decided, hike then lunch.  So we headed up this hill that had a small trail behind the bed and breakfast. 


I love being nature, I love hear leaving crunch beneath my feet and I love seeing wildlife.  I felt great, Bryce on the other hand…..  I had no problem going up this hill, even with the soreness of my knee, I did fine.  Bryce slid down the hill, then trekked back up.  He managed to find all the wet spots on the rocks, the puddles of mud and the not so dry leaves.


It was kinda funny…until he slipped and fell.  He fell and rolled back.  So I ran down the hill to get him and to make sure he was ok.  And there he was just laying there on his back looking up at the sky, I’m freaking out because I thought he knocked himself out.  That was when he said .maybe we should have stayed home.


I helped him up, brushed the leaves off of him and we made a second attempt up the hill. My motivational speech:


We are not going to let this little hill defeat us Bryce, we have gotten over bigger obstacles and I’ll be damned if this little ant hill conquers me…you ready?!


Bryce:  Umm..GI Jane, once we make it to the top…..then what?


Me: Well we have a look around and we laugh in the face of this little mountain’s menace.


Mother Nature:  CRASH!!!  *old dead tree falls under the force of the wind not more than 60 feet away and stray twigs and one huge branch break off from the big oak at the top of the hill.


Bryce:  (looking at me and then back at the top of the hill) I’m goin back..have fun.


I stopped him.  I stood behind him, put my hands on his waist and proceeded to push him up the hill.  I felt like I was trying to coax a donkey to move..lol   And of course he complained the whole way up, but I was determined to get us up that hill.


It wasn’t just an acitivity anymore…it had become symbolic.  He kept sliding back and me behind him trying to keep my footing.  I slipped and almost took the same tumble when he turned just in the nick of time to grab the front of my coat.  Thank goodness!


He asked me ..Doesn’t your knee hurt?  And I told him  no.  I was so focused on getting up the damn hill, my knee wasn’t even a thought.  ..We made it up the hill and we stood looking out over the woods.  We saw a neighboring house with a huge barn, we saw a few eagles playing around in the sky and this pond catering to a few geese.  It was a beautiful sight and I hate that I didn’t bring my camera.  I would have had the best shot of sunset for you guys to see. 


We made our way down the hill, went to get some lunch and then I gave Bryce a back massage after he had his “spa treatment” (hot bath with aroma therapy candles).  The hostess of our lodging let us know that there would be a campfire lit on the property after sunset, so we decided to get in on that.  I thought …why not one more little trek, and actually go and view the sunset from a nice secluded spot.  He wasn’t up for it but because it was something I wanted to do..he went along with it.


So we took a little walk out to this cliff and it was the most beautiful sight ever.  Dumb me, didn’t bring my camera.  Next time it will be the first thing I pack. 


Let’s see if I can give a good enough description to help you all understand just how beautiful it was.


We stood on a cliff at the side of this mountain, out infront of us you could see the missouri river glistening in the golden glow of the sun.  The trees seemed to get themselves ready for sleep as their shadows leaned toward the ground.  The sky was this orange, pink and purple hue with the lights intensity sinking with the sun ito the river.  We saw one eagle flying through the air as if it were going with the sun to its slumber. The wind kicked up really high and the gust blew leaves over the cliff …and I swear at that moment my mind did a still shot.  I saw that entire scene as a painting, I was completely captivated my nature. 


It has been soo long since I have had the pleasure of viewing as beautiful as that.  It was breath taking.  All was silent save the whistling of the wind and that was the exact thing that cut our stay at the cliffs short.  


The wind.  It was so strong.  It felt like hands behind you pushing you and being up as high as we were the wind was more intense.  So we backed away from the cliff and began our walk back.  Along the way, we noticed the walk was dark…very dark.  The little path we followed up wasn’t lit and when we made it back base, the only fire we could see what the bonfire a few feet away from the house. 


We get inside and the only lit is the fireplace.  The wind had taken the power.  No lights, and we later found out..no phones, no electricity and no heat.  There was one other couple there with us at the same time, we all wanted to stay but the hostess (Anne) said it would be best if we stayed at a hotel for the evening, while the rooms had fireplaces, she couldn’t guarantee that they would provide enough heat.  She pretty much put us all out..lol   But we understood why..she was be considerate for her guests and even offered to refund us for the stay.  The other couple accepted their refund and Bryce declined his.


So we packed and drove down a very long and dark road to the nearest motel.  We got comfortable and kept each other warm as the windows didn’t do such a great job of keeping the draft out.  I thought as I lay there with Bryce …how poetic it all was.


There we were trying to escape the problems of home and city only to find more in our place of refuge.  It wasn’t a complete loss, we got what we wanted….some alone time and the opportunity to take in nature. 


So we left the motel this morning at 9am and made back home at about 11.  We went to Bryce’s first because he wanted to drop some stuff off and pick something up.  We pull into his drive way and we see his friend’s belongings all over his yard. 


Senseless.


We gathered his things and took them into the house..I helped wash his laundry as it had been scattered everywhere.  I helped Bryce move some of the heavier stuff into the basement and put a few of his boxes in the garage.


Senseless.


After we finished all of that, we left..and made it back to my house and so here I am. 


Bryce kicked off his shoes, found a movie he wanted to watch and cuddled with my dog.  I came to write.  I was inspired by the whole thing.  I managed to get out 2 stories called The Fly On the Wall and a little christmas story that is untitled.  Both need to be cleaned up considerably, they are only rough drafts.  But I got them out.


As far as the rest of the above heading…..there was a trojan horse on my computer!  I went to go and sign into my messenger and it kept making me do the word verification thing over and over and over …then I thought, I better do a scan to make sure nothing ugly is on my computer and sure enough…Big Frikkin Trojan Horse was keeping me from logging into my messenger both of them.  I have 2 ..one with my ISP  and the one that I’ve had for umpteen years now with yahoo.  I found myself unable to get into either one and thats why.


Soooo, thats it.  The end.


Hopefully all of this craziness will cease after the holidays.  It has been just plain ridiculous lately. 


ok…thats all for me.  I’m gonna go find some sugar cookies and hot cocoa. 


Later.

Just sitting here waiting on Bryce to get here. He got off work at 5 and our estimated departure was at 7 soooo..I doubt that’s gonna happen.  Its only a 2 hour drive but at night it seems to take forever.  All I know is that the bed and breakfast is in the country.  😐   


Yay for mysteries though…it should be fun to see where we end up.  I talked to him before he left work and he didn’t sound happy at all.  Something happened with he and another underwriter…man, I don’t know.  I’ll find out details later I’m sure.


I thought that I would take this time to explain something I said earlier about me perving, cuz I still am…lol.


Men………(one woman’s thoughts on them ..sheild your eyes, I can’t promise pleasantness.)


Yesterday while I was at work, I took notice of all the guys that were walking around on the floor.  Some very young, some very old, some tall, short, big, small. Some with long hair, some with no hair, some balding.  Those that other women consider attractive and those that they consider unattractive.  I looked upon them all and for a moment………I was the only one there with them all. 


No all the women didn’t leave, I just mean that while I sat behind my desk and looked out the glass windows of my office into the rest of the company…it seemed to be just me there with them.  


Everything was silent, the phones seemed to be muted and all that I could hear was my heart beat.  I sat up in my chair and I watched as they walked back and forth.  I watched their smiles, their frowns, their laughs and the ones that were ticked off on the phone yelling at whoever. 


Bryce came to my door and spoke but I have no clue what he said.  I know he said something, my eyes were fixated on his lips but…I heard nothing.  Things just kinda went in slow motion for a few moments. 


I nodded my head at Bryce and then he went off to do whatever he was going to do.  I rose up from behind my desk and walked to my door.  I stood there just looking out at them all and I saw no women, just the guys. 


I began playing this little game in my head.  Everyone no matter who they are or what they look like has something attractive about them, be it a mannerism, a look, a physical trait, the way they talk …everyone has something attractive about them.  And thats what I did, for every guy that I looked at…I found something attractive about them.


I saw dimples, smiles, nice asses, deep eyes, strong hands, the way  some stood while talking, the way some brushed their hair back while they spoke on the phone.  The some of the men rubbed the 5 o’clock shadow on their face, the way some bit their lips as they read title company literature. All of these things seemed to turn me on.  I stood looking out over the cubicles and my eyes fell on a gentleman getting a glass of water from the kitchenette.


There was nothing particularly enchanting about this man.  He was about 6’2, maybe 210, not a muscular build but defined.  He was dressed nice yesterday..olive green slacks with a light green shirt and olive green tie that matched his slacks.  He was an older gentleman…salt/pepper hair, nicely groomed and his shoes were unscuffed.  He put ice into his 16 oz. Quick Trip cup and filled it with water. 


His appearance though nice, wasn’t what caught my eye, its not even what made me pay attention to him.


His lips.


He licked his lips 6 times before he made it to the kitchenette,  4 times while putting ice in his cup and 4 more times while filling the cup with water.  And when he took a sip……


I felt my lips part as though I were drinking from the same cup, I took a hard dry swallow….trying to conjure up moisture and found none.  This man’s licking of his lips and drinking water of all things was turning me on. 


And believe me when I say it was bad, it really was.  I felt warm, my mouth was dry (some of you know why that happens), my breaths were staggered.  I was losing it and losing it quick.  


I tried to focus on someone else..but I couldn’t, my eyes just went back to the man at the kitchenette..drinking his water.  It was not until I felt a finger lift my chin to close my mouth that I snapped out of pervation.


Bryce looked at me and asked me what was wrong and I was stuttering.  I couldn’t get out what I wanted to say.  (which would have been a lie)  I turned to walk back to my desk and he closed the door behind him .  I could hear the laughter in his voice.. “what were you thinking about?”  


Me…”nothing”.   Of course, that is the worst lie one can tell.  He walked over to me, ran a finger down the side of my cheek following the little droplet of sweat that made a trail and asked me if I wanted to clarify that nothing.  I told him no and that I was fine then I wiped the little droplets of sweat away.


He hugged me and whispered something in my ear that for personal reasons I will not repeat..lol   But he knew I was perving out and offered to fix my problem.


 


By getting me a GLASS OF WATER PEOPLE, now who’s perving?!!


Lmao, yes but my day was quite interesting.  After Bryce left my office, I took a look back out onto the floor and everything was back to normal…men and women were working.  The noise was there and I could no longer hear my heartbeating in my ears.  It was a very strange thing and all in my mind I know, but man.  That was something else. 


I purposely left out certain details so that I wouldn’t offend anyone.  When I write smut its usually smut with taste.  lol


I have yet to write something raunchy,  and that will be the day I unlock it all. 


Nah..I’ll leave it for the one of my stories.  lol


So I’m gonna give someone a call and see whats going on.  And if I find myself still here tonight, I’ll be back or maybe I’ll post some stuff at LJ.


later

I felt like some Dance Hall today, so there plays Sean Paul – Get Busy with his sexy @$$!!  I had to find all of my dance hall cd’s and have been playing them since I got home.  Reggae Dance Hall people, you want a work it..there it is.


Oh, never heard of dance hall?…Let me make a few suggestions….Elephant Man, Sean Paul and Sasha.  Give them a listen, let the music move you and have fun!


Yeah, I know I’ve been perving today (I will explain this later).  I am at home gathering things to take to my son’s school for his christmas party, cookies, juice, candy and…a special treat …something I really missed doing.  I’m reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Twas the Night Before Christmas !!!!!


Yay!


So I’m not only lookin forward to my son’s christmas party, but I am also looking forward to my job’s office party saturday night.  Should be fun.  We’ll be back at the Rennaisance near Lambert.  Last year although there was fight between two idiots and girl caught in the middle, it was ok.  There is something about seeing the lights of the runway and the snow falling in the back drop.  It truly is a sight to behold.  So I’m hoping that its going to be even better .less the fighting. (alcohol + bank employees = stories to tell!! )


Anyway, I’m gonna “pon de river” into my kitchen and get the cookies..lol


later