New song… Thelonius Monk – Round Midnight.

Whenever I listen to this song, it puts me in the mind of old film noire movies ya know…black and whites….casablanca…humphrey bogart… the maltese falcon.  This is what that song reminds me of..I even have a whole picture of some little bar set in black and white…with some murder mystery going on.

Soooo my weekend was lovely.  GREAT…Fantastic even.  I’ll elaborate later, right now..I have some other business to attend to. 

later 🙂

*says really fast “sockitomesockitomesockitomesockitomesockitome”  

So I’ve been sitting here playing with the music settings on this thing since I have crawled outta bed at…2PM!!!  You have no idea how good that sleep felt.  I am sooooo refreshed and its so nice outside. I had a thought to go out and wash my car but uhhhh…..I think I’ll just spend 10 bucks on a fill up and go through the thing at the gas station.  That will provide my little monster with some entertainment, at least until she goes to her aunt’s house tonight.

Yes the dead guy crept back into my dreams last night and yes I did what I said I was going to do……….I KICKED HIS ASS!!

I was sitting on a park bench reading a Stephen King novel and someone else was sitting next to me, I didn’t know the guy but he commented on the book I was reading and I told him how good it was.  Then I got the feeling that someone was looking at me..ya know that feeling, the hairs stand up on the back of your neck.  So I turned around to confirm the sensation and I saw the thing/man duck behind a tree.  And then I turned back toward the small pond that was infront of me.  I looked at the back of my book and the picture of Stephen King said..”Don’t just sit here, kill the bastard.” At that moment…I knew I was dreaming, it couldn’t have been any clearer than I sat for a moment longer and I was saying…”It better not be him ..God, it better not be him ..I’m gonna kick his ass if its him I swear.” 

The guy on the park bench slowly inched over and was looking at me like I was crazy …I put Stephen down, he was being a bit loud with his pep talk “Murder the fucker!!”  and then I turned around to have another look and I caught him, I saw his face he came out from behind the tree and stood there in plain site with this look on his face…If I didn’t know I was dreaming, I would’ve ran away because that look was horrible.  But since I knew I was dreaming………

I jumped up on the park bench, leapt over the back of it…and started a full run toward the dead guy.  He jumped in complete surprise.  His “I’m gonna do sick and twisted things to you” face disappeared and was replaced with fear then he ran away.  So I chased him through the park until I caught up with him.

And when I did.  I beat the holy crap out of him.  I was punching, scratching, pulling…I think I even bit him and spit it out cuz he was  I kicked him, twisted his arms…and I even committed a crime against man (I wouldn’t ever ever EVER do that to a man but I did it to him), I ripped is penis from his body and threw it toward some geese that died where they stood after they tried to eat it.  All the while I’m yelling at the guy to leave me alone and never to come back and if he does that I’ll kick his ass again. 

He’s crying and looking a bloody mess.  It was something else.  I finally let him go, he ran off into the woods of the park and then I stood in the middle of the park screaming….Yeeeeeeeesssssss!!!!.  Everyone stopped to look at me and then went back to what they were doing.  It was great.  I woke up to my daughter…”mommy mommy, change the channel I wanna watch Sponge Bob.”  LOL.  So I put it spongebob for her. 

I am in a good mood…an incredibly good mood.  The sun could die right now, but there would still be light and warmth for the entire earth ..from me.  lmao.  So I am going to take advantage of my extremely good mood and instigate a pillow fight with the little one.  She looks sleepy so the pillow fight will just help her along by expending the rest of the little energy she has left.

So I am off to play.  I may return to tack out a few ideas on some stuff I have brewing. 

Later……Enjoy your Saturday!!!

Stole it from ZBP and I must say, this thing is really really long.  You highlight all the ones that you have done.  This was kinda cool though.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula (hell no)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease

11. Bungee jumped
12. visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg

20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier (look man, it was there..I was was the next logical step)
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Organized and planned a surprise party for a loved one
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar

40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Miraculously fit three weeks into three days.
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (no but I will)
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states (no but I will)
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was really sick
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends (ahem…HAVE amazing friends)

54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign (ask me for details)
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Done rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland

64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke (everyone should sing karaoke at least once)
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Protested something you feel strongly against
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (yeah and didn’t care and don’t care)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better (soon…..very very soon)
84. Started a business (soon)
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman (does it count if it was to defend my own honor since I am a woman?)
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie (well…it was a movie)
92. Crashed a party
Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy (it made us both dizzy)
95. Gotten divorced
96. Started an office war
97. Gone without food for 5 days (three weeks)
98. Made cookies from scratch

99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on (damn you silk…damn you!!!!)
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason (have given them for no reason as well)
106. Made out in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark

113. Drank an entire 6 pack by yourself (wasn’t beer but it was alcoholic)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved all of your hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in the Theater
125. Read – and understood – your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy (Hello Kitty rules me)
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour a little
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars (The star De` Minor..its offset of orion’s belt)
130. Taken a bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion (ask for details, its not what you think)
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a TV game show
149. Had a full-body cast
150. Killed a human being (there are moments…..)
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol.
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse (and I plan to do it again ..this summer as a matter of fact)
158. Had major surgery
159. Ridden on a passenger train
160. Had a snake as a pet (HELL NO)
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (didn’t get that close)
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (yes and I swear I was only asleep for an hour)
164. Visited foreign countries besides the United States

165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (johnson shutins)
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground (the hell?!) (I’m with the previous person on that what….???)
169. Been a sperm or egg donor (I’ve donated my eggs)
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime (just one)
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions (yes and seriously, it had to happen)
. Gone back to school.(I will)
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name (yes there is a huge hyphen in my name now)
178. Petted a cockroach (It was a madagascar thing and had I not been with the zoo guy, it would have died that day)
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (Beverly Cleary)
182. Dined in a restaurant and stole silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. …and gotten 86’ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you. LMAO @ 182 & 183)
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch

185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt

187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (I’m really good at that)
189. Been elected to public office (almost)
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair

196. Dyed your hair blue (streaked for theatrical purposes)
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal (You know what, that’s truly messed up….does that really happen?)
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested (almost)

I felt like something a little soulful and poetic so..we are listening to Jill Scott’s Long Walk.  She is an excellent singer and poet.  I love her stuff.

So I slept when I got home.  I slept from 2 to 7.  With not one single dream to interrupt it, good or bad.  It was great and I’m gonna attempt the same thing tomorrow before I go to the movies with Neil.  We are going to see Constantine tomorrow.  So that should be fun and then sunday….I’m gonna hang out with my neighbor’s young strapping man, Evan.  He’s so

I swear he’s planning a full date and I’m like…..ooooook, whatever you wanna do.  I’m just glad to be getting out and doing stuff cuz my dead beat best friend ditched me again.  For a GUY!!  Man, I just hope he’s worth it. 

In other news,  I will be do some remodeling as early as next weekend and I am very excited about that.  I’m getting new living room and bedroom furniture..I’m repainting some rooms, and reflooring some floors.  I am sooo ready.  I need to do a little research  on something though, because the decor I want for my bedroom (so I can get out of the martha stewart phase) something middle eastern. Think Arabian Nights or what the inside of a genie’s bottle would look like.  Something like that. 

I’ve scoped out several pieces for my room and I am going to make the curtains, the mirror and even a piece of art myself to hang on the walls.  It’s gonna be cool.  I’ll take pictures of it when I’m done.

Well I think that’s it for me.

I’m gonna find s’more music, have a spot of wine and then continue to harass one of my friends.  Actually, I think I might do this one thing that I see on Zen Beach’s Site.  yeah I’m gonna do that, then do the other stuff,.


P.S.  Thank you Zen Beach… the first person got his song..  ….Ya know this is proving to be harder than I thought it would be and honestly, I like the anonymity in just saying I’m playing songs for you guys letting you figure out what belongs to you.

I don’t know, maybe I should give this up until I work out a better system. The day has been alright. I talked to Bryce today.  He wanted to have a conversation with me at lunch so, I agreed to listen to him talk.  Which he didn’t like “the purpose of conversation is for us both to talk, not just me.”  And he’s right, but since I didn’t have a great deal to say, I figured I would let him just have full reign over the conversation.

I heard alot of ….I miss you, I want you to come over tomorrow, why don’t you call me, why don’t you answer my calls as much or return my calls, I still love you….blah and yadda.

I don’t know… ever just look at someone while they were talking and wonder where in the hell they are pulling all the shit thats spewing from their lips from.  I did that because it made absolutely no sense to me.  Brain thinks one thing, lips say another and the body acts completely different from the other two.  Total confusion.  Its quite a remarkable sight to see….watching someone’s personality split 3 ways right infront of you.

Damn I need that talent.  I should create about 10 other personalities just to deal with the everyday stuff.  I am seriosuly lacking in the talent department man.

Talents I need:

rolling tongue because its cool

the ability to split personalities on sight or at the mere thought of it

bending over backwards so that I resemble a pretzel, I mean …I’m flexible but not that flexible- just think of the possibilities.

the ability to just say things I don’t mean carelessly.

the ability to lie effectively and by effectively I mean..not get caught

the ability to “take one on the chin” and turn the other cheek

the ability to speed up my metabolism when I want

to be able to hang upside down for long periods of time (involves a fantasy of mine)

the ability to hold my breath underwater for a ridiculous amount of time (also involves a fantasy)

The ability to completely forget certain people would come in handy right now.  So someone I know or used to know would walk up to me and start talking and I wouldn’t have a fuck’s clue of what they are talking about and why they are talking to me.  Yeah.  That would be great.

The conversation wasn’t that bad but I would have rather been elsewhere not talking to anybody about a relationship that didn’t suceede or live up to its expectations ya know.  Let me die or live or whatever the hell I want to do in peace. 

I need to stop ..really I do.  I must be sociable, I must talk to people I don’t care to.  I have to maintain some sort of communication or friendship.  Suga must be sweet not bitter.  *gives a hard roll of the eyes*

And you know what else…I don’t like being threatened either and it was a threat ..anything that ends with  “or else” in a serious tone has to be taken as such. Some people will never learn. I guess they don’t come across the “right” or “wrong” type of person often enough to learn.  Whatever. Do what ya want and don’t be surprised by the results.

I must have run through about a million scenarios of actions to take while sitting at that table with him. and yes all of them included my hands being wrapped around his throat forcing his eyes to pop out of their sockets.  Some involved salt being thrown into his eyes then chocking the living shit out of him, some involved smacking him in the face with the lunch tray then choking him, one even involved taking my fork and ……but I don’t believe in the mutilation of the penis. 

Honestly my day wasn’t bad…the converstation ended at a decent time and the “or else” was recieved and replied to with…”my, don’t you have a set on you…if I were you, I’d watch myself.”.  Cocky calmed himself and I finished my lunch and left, on a good note.  I told him that I would think about calling him later.  And I did.  I thought about calling him then quickly put that thought out my mind.  I called Neil instead.

But thats about it.  My night was pretty cool..see LJ for details and today was ok. 

Well thats all I have to say…I’m off to check someone’s site out.


I think, starting today… every song that I play will hold a message for someone.  For who?  Well thats for you to decipher.  I think everyone that visits this site is pretty tight with me or is getting there.  So I am gonna play a song for each of you and its up to you to determine what song is yours and what I’m saying.

Of course the song will not just speak of your personality but also of how I feel about you on that day.

Please don’t make me play this particular song :  She Hates Me (Puddle of Mud)…

You know what, why not play it today – just to get it out of my system.  Its not directed toward anyone in particular …I’ll dedicate it to my life this morning.  Yes to my life this morning.

Such suckiness deserves to be honored with song. 

Song: The Yearning of the Sword

No work today.  The faces on my money have taken a day off and I am at home today. 

Kids are home today I think I’m gonna take us out and play somewhere, prolly at the Mills or Chucky Cheese, not sure yet.

I read zenbeach’s poetry he has posted….it made me cry.  I’ve actually been sitting her mulling over stuff since I read it, which would probably explain the not so uniformity of this particular post.  It is rather choppy.

A friend told me last night that it was “cabin fever” and while it definitely feels like that, I don’t think that’s what it is.

I told someone once that I felt gray and they knew exactly what I meant.  I told them that I felt cold and they understood that too. Then at the end of our conversation, when I was asked “where I was” – I said in the dark.  That was understood too.

I’ve already been warned, wednesday is going to be a very long day. 

I’m gonna go and see if the clouds will release the sun for a little bit.


response to comment from ZBP:  *nods

 mood: melancholy

Over the course of 2 days, I have had a total of 2 hours of sleep.  I attempted sleep at about 1 am and slept until 3.  I’ve been up since.  For the most part just wearing my “I’m happy” face today so people don’t freak out.  Of course its not working.

I’m pretty much an active person – but when activity is done to serve as a distraction, its pretty apparent to everyone around you.

On a high note – my house is spotless.  My cat is bathed (and pissed off) and my laundry is in the process of being cleansed.

I got myself in a fantasy baseball league.  My father in law called as I was registering and he’s pretty interested in it.  He asked if I wanted to do one with ESPN with him, I told him I’d let him know and then there was detection.

“You feelin ok babygirl?”

“I’ll be fine – just uhh, bored I guess.”

“…..alright, you know you are welcome to come over anytime you want ok.”


“come over now and show me how to make this pizza of yours.”

“maybe later..”

“you promise?”

“…..yes, I promise”

So.. at about 5pm, I’m going to go show him how to make pizza – from scratch.  He already knows how to make it and I know what he’s doing but I’m not going to fight it.  The truth is – I need to get out of this house for a little while.

Things are just feeling a little too tight.  The walls…..

I may leave before 5.

Right now, I am watching The Sandlot with my kids.  I love this movie.  I guess every child has a house on their block that they never go near because of whatever little neighborhood urban legend that has floated around about it.  The kids here seem to be afraid of the empty house at the end of the mock cul-de-sac.  (it looks like a one but isn’t)  Frankly, I am a little afraid of that house.  Some bad stuff happened there, before I moved here and while living here.  3 families have lived there since I have lived in this house and they all leave or are forced to leave- mainly for domestic disturbances.

If I didn’t know better – I’d say that house destroys relationships.  The couples move in nice and happy but leave resentful and hateful.  I wonder what happened in this house before I moved here. I might be inclined to believe the same about this house.

I guess it wouldn’t be the house so much ..just the impressions left there by people.

I’m gonna go and make myself better then I’ll return later to post something happier.



man man man…

Last night was rough and I had to be sending out a pretty loud distress call for 3 of you to call me at 4 in the morning. 

Thank you erika, neil and even you bryce – thanks for calling me last night.

It helped a great deal.


down that gravel road

to the pond nestled

amongst magnolias and willows,

where the sunsets last forever…….

I took you there


where the breeze was as soft

as the milkweed that floated about the air

and the autumnal glow of the sky

gave us both a magical hue

I took you there


away from it all

consumed in nature’s beauty

and in your company

time stood still and..

I took you there


beneath the magnolia we adorned

each other with its precious petals

wishing never to leave it shade

to stay locked in that moment –

I took you there


from madness to serene

in the clutches of rapture

lazy sighs and greatful smiles

overtake us both…….

because we were there