It has been a great many moons since I’ve sat down to write in this thing.


Let’s just say my issues have been abundant and work equally so – which is good because I don’t have the time to be disappointed, upset, pissed off or homicidally angry at the cause of all of it..lol


I’m doing good for the most part.  Just tired as hell.  Between work and summer camp (which is where I am right now) I have no time for myself and sadly my kids either.  But that should change shortly.  I think its time to change the music on this *bleeping* thing.  Just have to find something else worth playing.


I NEED MUSIC!


Someone make a suggestion.


Anyway – I’m in the computer lab at camp and I’m sleepy and something tells me that we are all going to need to leave the room soon because the skies outside the window are looking horrible….any minute now I expect to see a witch westbound on a bicycle or piggy back atop a monkey.


Yeah its lookin that bad.  But I am very happy for the rain – we needed it.


 


A word of wisdom to the residents of Phoenix, AZ.


*ahem*   Stay Inside!! Pack yourselves in ice and stay inside – do not for any reason go outside.   114 degrees man – there is nothing you need outside that damn bad ..seriously.  Stay Inside or subject yourselves to spontaneous combustion, the likes of which a buffian vampire would die from.   STAY INSIDE!!


thank you.


So my real reason for sitting in this room is because I am supposed to be brainstorming an arts and crafts project for my older kids.  The youngins are in martial arts class (great, thats all any cousnelor needs – a bunch of evil munchkins with organized and trained ninja skills) so the older kids are playing computer games and reading books.


Did you hear me …….I said they are READING BOOKS!!!  See and there I thought that my words just passed through their adolescent prepubescent ears  and fell to the floor beside them.


I have to say, even though they are a handful I do love working with them – they crack me up. 


I think his name is Bill Engvall – Blue Collar Comedy, the guy that does the “Here’s Your Sign”  ..I bring this up because an 11 year old by the name of Orlando got me yesterday and bad.


ok…Here’s Your Sign is usually said to you when you make a redundant statement or wish to reiterate the already painfully obvious. 


So…we’re outside getting some air before the storm rolled in and there we spot what seemed to be the freshly dead kill (redundant, yes) of a cat – he dropped it from his jaws when he saw us coming.


A rat.


The rat is laying on its side with its lungs punctured from the killer feline’s teeth and there is a bit of blood pouring from its mouth, its lifeless and well…dead, but fresh because it wasn’t stiff.  The cat whom lost his lunch was sitting off to the side watching us stare at its lunch.


We stood in silence looking down at the poor creature, some of the kids were kind of upset because it was impeding their game of freeze tag and others of the bunch, were a bit…disturbingly morbid – one even gave a short eulogy/poem for the animal. 


So after everyone has concluded that the rat is dead in thought (it was just that damn obvious)….


I say (and was totally serious)……”Is it dead?”


Orlando, the love of my summer camp life- the little sarcastic bugger says, “No, Ms. Ty …….its asleep.” 


Well the kids and counselors found it funny and I defended my statement by saying that it could have been playing possum.  That recieved a bunch of “yeah rights” and “whatevers”.  For some reason we were unable to move from that spot and that cat wanted its lunch so it walked right between us…grabbed its meal in its teeth….trotted off…then turned back to make sure we weren’t following it then trotted off a little faster.


Ms. Jasmine yells out of the side door of our building – Lunchtime!! and we all just kinda go green and decide that we want lunch a little later in the day.  And guess what ……we talked about death!


Yes, a 5 year old said and I quote “The circle of life has been made complete once more.”  I told him that he was correct and that he needed to limit his viewing of The Lion King to once a week instead of 3 times a day. 


So yeah, an eleven year old – “Here’s Your Sign(ed)” me and that kinda sucks but I deserved that one…it was painfully obvious..lol


Looks like I gotta go get my craft together – I’ve decided on making popsicle stick birdhouses….should be fun.


I’ll try to update everyday since …I spend a majority of my time here now. 


 


Georgia…….SWIM!!!   Phoenix……STAY INSIDE!!!   Missouri…..FIND A BASEMENT AND COVER YOUR HEAD!!!!


Later


 

BRING DA FUNK!!


=D


 


Ohio Players – Love Rollercoaster!!!!!


Find your bell bottoms, afros, peace symbols and whatever else crazy stuff your mom and dad have in their closets and meet me at Club 54!! – no peace symbol??? steal the merceds emnblem  from someone’s big gawdy truck and lets go!!

Wanted:   Person or animal that loves to cuddle, snuggle and likes to be caressed.  Doesn’t mind baby talk and responds well to human affection and would like a semi-long term or serious relationship.  Serious persons/animals need only reply.


Message or leave a paw print at: Seechellesalonelygirlinxanga@29.com


headshot or furryfaced photos are welcome  =)


 


Yeah, I am that lonely and bored that I would leave a personal add in my xanga..lol  Nothing’s going on today.  St. Louis can’t decide if it wants to rain or shine – dammit, I wanna go swimming and I now hate indoor pools.  A trip to Six Flags is in my very near future. 


You know what I’m in need of right now………a big bowl of ice cream, a guy with nice big warm arms and a shady tree near a body of water in a park somewhere.    Thats what I need.   Companionship – forget sex and dating, just one good male friend that will let me leach affection from him for awhile.


And I also need …….a life. A new one – I think that I have outgrown this one.  It just doesn’t fit anymore, ya know.  I dropped the weight of bad relationships and bad people in general.  My style of loving others has changed – this life no longer suits nor fits my needs.  I think its time for a makeover as well!


…………yeah……


Anyway – Oh…guess what happened to me on my birthday????


Unbeknownst to me – Mr. Dubya was visiting my lovely city annnnnnnd – wreaked havoc all over St. Louis’ highways with his frikkin motorcade because they have to close every frikkin highway in that state for the safety of  Prince Jorge.  There I was sitting in deadlock on the 170 interchange when The Presedential entourage went rolling through on a part of the high way that was completely cleared for  him.  Normally, I would have been pissed to have been sitting still traffic on a sunny day like yesterday – but seeing the reaction of motorist as Dubya rolled through made it all better.


People were piiiiiiiiissed..lol   Honking horns and shouting stuff – dude, that was my comedic entertainment for the day.  Well that and my year old neice singing me Happy Birthday ala Whitney Houston complete with eyes closed and head shaking with arms outstretched ..all by herself.  I swear I have to get a damn video cam, that was priceless. So yeah – Dubya got honked and booedededdedddddd..


Thank you for visiting our city – yet again!! Hope you enjoyed your stay …buh bye now..buh bye =)


I must make a comment about something I saw on the Today Show this morning but I think I am gonna save that one for Livejournal.  It upset me that bad.  Spokane, WA  *rolls eyes*  anyway – later peeps.


I’m goin for ice cream and I guess I’ll just daydream the rest –


Reeses Peaces!

Went to sleep earlier to rid myself of a headache  woke up a little while ago.  Headache hasn’t vanished and I’m wide awake.  Held a conversation with a friend for a lil bit….we found ourselves in complete awe at Yahoo’s new beta messenger and how much it – like much of yahoo’s products suck….which is why its still in beta status.


He left and now I’m up wondering about a few things.  People mostly. They perplex me at times….thats no great revelation right?  yeah.


Anyway – I started thinking, Chelle – maybe you shouldn’t have the expectations you do of the people you know or know of.  Why – because I become instantly disappointed when that person doesn’t meet the expectation that I have of them.  It doesn’t make me look at them any different, but it changes my actions.  I guess people have become a “case sensitive” situation – to certain ones, you do and say this and to others you don’t do or say this….then still to those you haven’t quite figured out, lay low.


Friend… what does that word mean.  what about Trust or Love for that matter …are they subject to hold different meanings at anyone’s discretion?


I don’t know….its just me thinking I guess.  There’s no value on thought so it doesn’t really matter now does it.


origin of thought:  recurrent situation that I tried not to take personal but did today, thus a set of freshly crushed, still moist feelings in a cast and sling.


Heh, a friend said – what do you care given the medium that it took place in …I gave my response which recieved a “good point, I see what you mean” and the subject was changed to lift my spirits.


People – the most valuable item on the face of the planet and also the least worthy.  Its like..winning a contest and the prize is a year supply of chocolate only …..you’re diabetic.  Or living in a nudist colony with a traveling salesman peddling washing powder…..


useless. 


my headache worsens, my temples are now throbbing and its scaring me – I think its time to break down and make an appointment to be seen.  Funny, I thought the lemonade and vodka would help – well it did for a very short period of time, just goes to show…bandaids don’t fix everything.


Its officially friday and it has just occurred to me that I haven’t talked to Him in awhile…. wonder if my migraines have anything to do with that.  Only one way to find out, right…


yeah


 

There are 8 days left until my birthday……


You know whats true – the closer you get to 30 the more vivid, clear and understandable things become.  It really does dawn on you that certain things that you used to do need not be done anymore.  You even freak out a little because you take a look back down the long road you’ve traveled and see all your obstacles overshadowing your successes and because of that – you think to yourself   …..”I haven’t accomplished a damn thing in all this time.”  And while I know that’s not true, it just doesn’t feel like it.


Most people hit 30 or somewhere near ’bouts and lose their frikkin minds – they want their youth back, they want to do all the things they never had a chance to do when then truth is…..you had the chance all along.  We think that when we turn 30, our lives are over – we HAVE to be adults now, “hunker down and be serious”.  Stop being so carefree about life and take it serious.  I have many problems with that –


~ first of all when you are the parent of small children, serious and unfun-ness just isn’t a part of your vocabulary…and for those of you thinking that if you start of serious you’ll continue to be as a parent – hell no, kids make you goofy.  Some of you are teachers, daycare providers, or work in a place with a lot of children….you know what I mean.  Sometimes, you just can’t help but give in to the sillyness.  It doesn’t make you a bad person that you laugh at some kid’s “why did the pig cross the road joke?”  – makes you human, shows you care about the little silly mound of flesh standing infront of you grinning a toothless grin.


So I will not feel old because kids keep me young.


~second of all, I will not regret any action that I have taken ..good or bad.  If not for my mistakes I don’t think I’d be as smart as I am now.  I know things because of the mistakes I’ve made, I know and understand people better because of the mistakes I’ve made…I know myself because of the mistakes I’ve made and I know forgiveness.  My thing isn’t with others forgiving me – sometimes it is because I hate knowing that I’ve upset someone, but I am acutally harder on myself than any of my peers are on me.  I did something a couple of months back that ate me up inside and I was really having a hard time dealing with it – I told myself it was as hard as it was because the person whose forgiveness I sought wasn’t willing to give it…but then after listening to a few people and finally to myself, I realized – that in order to truly be over something, you have to forgive yourself.  You are your own worse critic right? Yeah.  I know I wasn’t the only one to blame for how things happened, but ultimately it was me…I had a choice and at the time I made the wrong decision.


I could tell a bold faced lie and say – I didn’t mean to do any of it…but why??  I know that I did mean to do it.  I wanted to do it and so I did. It cost me and the price was high.  As a matter of fact, I’m still paying for it – but I have a better understanding now…I’m a little smarter about things.  I, in my defiance of being true to myself – chose to ignore all the helpful little voices and do what I wanted to do regardless of who it hurt.  Not proud of it..I’m actually kinda mad at myself but – I can’t keep beating myself up about it.   Because it gets harder and harder to recover from that each time, but I will learn just as I have been..I will learn from every mistake I make.


So I will have no regrets.


~ third ….30 isn’t a bad number. Yeah I joke about getting old and 30 being a big sign of it – but its not bad.  My views have become broader, I was never a closed minded person to begin with but I have an understanding of the nature of people.  Its not hard to talk to people, not at all but it never was for me, I guess now I’m just a bit bolder than I was.  Why fear someone when they are just another human being like you?  Dude I don’t know, I may fake a midlife crisis just to keep from having a boring life..lol  


Midlife crisis – seriously, I think I had it already.  They are usually sparked by depression right and are accompanied by outrageous actions.  So maybe I’ll leap from the top of the Gateway Arch or walk around east st. louis at midnight without any security.


Oooo..I know I know, I’ll go to the Missouri Botanical Gardens without taking any allergy meds!!!!  lol


Ahh..whatever…its not that serious.  It at one point was but it tis no more.


So I’ll be 29 in 8 days…a whole year closer to 30.  I’m not feeling that bad about it actually.   I don’t know – maybe I’ll find a super young boyfriend and teach him a thing or to about women. 😛  hahaha!  Riiiiiiight – they come out of the womb now knowing everything there is to know don’t they????


Nah…..I’m just gonna chill, I’ve made some new friends, I’ll get to know them  and enjoy their company…as far as male companionship – opening bids at 21 and you must have proof.  lol


Anyway…gotta go get some stuff from work…the transition from office to home happens friday.  YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!


later babies.


 

To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom; and he that increaseth his riches, increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not.
Akhenaton

Rough translation – The more money you come across, the more problems you see.


 


Not that I’m having such a problem – it would be nice though.  I watched Slackers..it was nice ginsu’d on comedy central but from what I saw – it was an ok movie.  I laughed.


So I have healed myself. I’m not gonna deal with someone anymore either – its too emotionally draining just trying.  Wanna know what the funny part is – bryce was actually trying to help me. Yeah well…it was a nice gesture.  I missed a few things yesterday.  I was supposed to just run a few errands and ended up stopping by someone’s house at their request. 


Shoulda followed my first mind  and just said no then went home.  But nooooo…because I heard a certain vocal infliction – I went to see him.  Needless to say, I missed out on some fun that I really wanted to have, killed a really good that I was in and missed my BALL GAME!


But its ok…I am healed.


Today is a new day and I am in a good mood…now. 😛  I had a bowl of Cookies n’ Cream, an ice cold rootbeer and I’m currently lounging around in big oversized t-shirt and thong……..flip flops.  Get your minds out the gutter!  Thong flip flops..lol


I am comfy.  I need another rootbeer though.  Not too much going on today.  I’ve been playing messenger tag with a friend – which has been weird but entertaining.  We can never manage to be online at the same time, I guess we will one day.


I’m gonna go draw – I feel like art today.  If I didn’t think the neighbors would flip..I’d take my creativity outside, yes in just this tshirt but I won’t – too many kids on my block.


So I’m gonna go find a pencil and my drawing pad..


later luvs

Hmmm….I’m beginning to wonder if Dechelle is just another name for doormat.  Maybe I’ll change my name into a symbol or something – the woman formerly known as….


Whatever.


I’m watching my team play the Phillies and counting down the hours until I go and see the very much anticipated Revenge of the Sith.  (damn Albert Pujols…if he wasn’t already married…maaaaan)


My day is just creeping along and I fear that if I don’t at least try to sneak in a nap between now and 9pm that I am gonna be in some serious trouble.  I can’t sleep right now because I have to leave in 2 hours to do one more work related thing, then pick up some kids and theeeeeennn..make a phone call.


I’m not even sleepy though.  I’m hot – its pretty humid out and the sun in all its brilliance is knocking on my door.  I do love the sun, everything just looks alive. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the night too but the sun just feeds me energy.  I could be dog tired and step outside into its rays and my fatigue would be no more.


dammit…I have to step away from the puter for a few.  I’ll continue this a little later.

How in the hell do you spam someone’s guestbook?!?!!!


I have two guestbook spams…well they look like it to me anyway.


Anyway – another story entry later today.


later


She stepped out f her shoes and walked across the soft plush of the deep violet carpet toward the grand staircase, as she did so she looked into the huge sitting areas of the building. To the right of the staircase there was a room lit only by its fireplace. She could a woman wearing only a mask, a thong and black high heels sitting on the lap of a gentleman while twirling his tie between her fingers. She watched the two for a second longer then continued onward to the staircase.


Her ascent was slow and careful, she had no idea where she was going but her feet led her up the staircase anyway. She made it to the top and began to walk down the dimly lit corridor. She passed numerous doors in the hall as she walked toward what appeared to be the opening of a ballroom.


A shadow passed before her and gave her a startle. She turned quickly to look behind her and saw nothing. A chill accompanied with goose bumps washed over her body as she turned forward and made her way along the portrait-adorned walls.


A woman dressed in a long slinky black dress with her back baring from shoulder to the top of her perfect buttock, silently stepped out into the hall and watched as the visitor made her way through the palace.


Her long black hair slicked into a tightly rolled bun, piercing green eyes and currant lips made her look something of a 1920’s starlet as she smoked her cigarette through its antique holder. She lifted a small silver cell phone to her diamond-studded ear and placed a brief call.


“You’re prize has arrived without you.”


The deep rasp inquired, “She’s there?”


“Yeeeesss…the rabbit is in the lion’s den.”


“You know what to do.” He asserted.


“Mmmmm…it would be my pleasure.” She purred into the phone.


The call ended and she watched her visitor disappear into the ballroom. Her hourglass body slowly and seductively walked down the hall, being careful to remain out of sight. The smile of a hungry lioness finding prey graced her lips as she conjured a plan to familiarize Mr. Matthews with her surroundings.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Happy Friday the 13th.